what were u expecting?

My boss' secretary left today after about 8yrs with the company. I've been working in the same department as her for the past year... and although we never worked closely together, i'm sad to see her go. honestly, i'd much rather be the person saying the "goodbye's"... but that's not the case. so starting tomorrow... i'll be filling in as my boss' temp secretary until they hire someone. am i excited... not really... will it be challenging? we'll see how demanding my boss can be.

i had a really good talk w/my parents the other night. i kinda broke down (didn't cry... heart of stone; remember?)... i told them that i was sick of hearing them talk about the army... i told them i was lost and i just wanted to leave; maybe even to korea to teach english. at first they took it as their fault... after a bit of thinking... i told them that it was b/c of work. i just want a break from work. my mom was very opposed to korea... but my dad was cool about it. he said that if i needed a break, that i should go for however long i needed, yet at the same time... he hit it right on the head when he said that after i come back, that things would be the same. i'd come home... i wouldn't know what to do/where to go... that's most likely true. i don't need to go to korea... besides... i've made a commitment to teach at my home church starting next month.

what i really enjoyed about our conversation was my dad's honesty. he told me that he hated his job at the TSA (scanner at the Oakland Airport).. and that he even told his supervisor that he didn't give a sh*t about the TSA. the only reason why he's doing it (until he finds something else) is b/c he needs to support the family. damn, i admire that about my dad. he honestly won't play kiss ass to nobody. we also fell in agreement upon the way my mom nags both of us. with my mom there in the room, he explained why he does the things he does in order to handle the nagging that my mom dishes out. it makes more sense to me now. i hope my wife doesn't nag and i hope that i won't shut her out when/if she does.

i've been complaining about my life lately (in terms of my "path)... i need to repent for that too. i've been losing hope that God has another plan for me... when will i leave? i don't know... but i've been losing that hope. i've been reading a book by piper about trying to take risks for God and adapting your lifestyle to take those risks. without complete trust and hope in Jesus Christ, i can't possibly take those risks. i guess that's why i'm left complaining... distraught over how "lost" i am right now.

one last thing... my grandpa went to the hospital for 2nights this past week b/c of bleeding in his intestines. i guess he's ok, b/c they sent him home. my mom called today and told me that my grandpa wanted to see me... his only grandson. please pray for him.

Father, you are the creator of all things. You work through good and evil to bring glory to yourself. Lord, you have not called us to live for things of this world, yet we find ourselves reaching out for these things. Please help us to die daily, so that we may cling to you. You know what is best for us... so let your Spirit lead us to you in every part of our lives. Amen.