what were u expecting?

i sit here... waiting and wanting for something to happen.
there's no growth or enjoyment where i'm working. no meaning.
i'm working so the owner can get more rich.
the harder i work, eventually the more i'll get paid.
with this money, i'll save... and buy a house with a white picket fence.
then i'll work some more to pay off the mortgage.
This is the American Dream. To live a secure and comfortable life.
But where does it end? This is not what i want.
I want to achieve great things for Christ.
But i have worries and my own self interests.
i don't want to ask for financial support if i go on missions.
i want my parents to be okay if i left.
i'm just like the rich young guy who was asked to sell everything
or the guy who needs to bury his parents before fully following Christ.
There's this business idea i have in my head.
Potentially, it would be great or... i could lose out on a lot.
But it's not the money i'm eager for...
it's the idea of accomplishing something i never thought i could do.
I'm not business savvy. i have no idea where to start.
i fear that ppl will take my idea if i told them. how greedy is that?
I just have this vision...
it's like i'm standing on one side of a canyon and i'm able to see the other side.
but how do i get over there?
When the heck did i get so contemplative?

This was not meant to be a poem, my friend
Did you think otherwise?
Emptying the thoughts from my head bring me to this end.